I love being ...

Thin.

I can't help but chuckle when I think of fatass American majority spending billions of dollars a year on diet pills, plans, and exercise machines .. yet, heart disease is still the number one cause of death in this country.

I was never "fat", but back in the day (i.e. grade school) I wore medium sized shirts and 8 - 10 size pants. I started losing weight in college. Not that I needed to lose weight, of course. Being a vegetarian/pseudo-vegan definitely contributed to my weight loss. I never was a big eater in the first place (can you say, tomorrow's lunch?). Before you start thinking I have a eating disorder ... Shut up. I don't. What I wouldn't do for paneer makhani or pad thai with extra limes .. and another favorite of mine, thin crust cheese pizza with extra sauce (hence the "pseudo-vegan").

Damn it feels great to fit in size 2 jeans while other women use pliers and grease to zip into their size 12s.

Oh .. and when I wear black, I kind of like the starving artist and heroin chic look ... both of which I am neither.

And I look taller for my height (5'5"). A girl's dream.

To fatties: Either stop complaining about your cottage cheesy thighs or stop fucking eat so goddamn much and go for a walk (around a park, not to the nearest restaurant). And no, you're NOT beautiful just the way you are.

I can be an egotistical bitch sometimes. What can I say?

Aw, shucks ...

You're the best!
I can't wait.
*Glee*

Common...

Courtesy is not so common!

Do you know what burns me out? Every time?

No call backs .. or e-mails.

One line will do just fine!

Why is it so difficult for me to expect much, much less from people?

PS: I'm not targeting one person in particular.

....?

I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, the truth of everything... however relative they may be.

Seemingly useful to others, it can be quite overwhelming.

Asking why? how? what? ALL the damn time.

It's difficult to be content with simple answers and equations.

For example:
I ask, "Why me?"
He says, "Because you're you" or "Because they are".

That's IT? There has to be more! That is not a good enough answer!

Indeed, there is much, much more ... I want to know it ALL.

Note to myself: STOP IT! Goodness...

Halpert ...

Looks like an otter.
.

That feeling ...

of butterflies in my stomach. It's perhaps, the greatest feeling in the world.

Or at the very least, at this moment.

Oh how much I want to be held down... and much more....

....

Perhaps I will take one class, but it doesn't matter if I become anything. It will all be the same as it was before.

Ups and Downs ...

So, good news.

- I have motivation to return to school. I am now applying to a few schools in Chicago. For the first time in years I am actually excited about college.

- I am moving into Chicago next year. Somewhere in Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Roscoe Village, River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, or Wicker Park. Some place with a large kitchen (a must!) and large vanity in the bathroom, must be walking distance to public transportation and health foods store. 

- I found a program at a local hospital that offers medications management for eligible residents of Evanston a few months ago. I have noticed great improvement since being on two medications (which are paid for by the program).  

- Halpert has been using his litter box! He used to have accidents outside. Quite frustrating, quite gross. 

... and the bad news.

We're broke.

These Days ...

I've doing quite well lately.

- I have a job and I like it for the most part.
- I'm making friends (a couple on the same floor, and another couple that lives down the street).
- Finances are stable (getting paid in tips every day = less spending).

Now, I just need a portable dishwasher...

Time ...

I count: days, months, and years. With every count, agony and guilt. There is no end.

Yet I always find myself in the beginning.

710 Miles Later...

I am tired, so tired that I can't sleep. It hurts to keep my eyes open. My entire body aches. Aches from walking, moving, and lifting, and it aches for sleep. Sleep is the greatest escape from the body, but most importantly, the mind.

In the beginning ...

There was no chicken or egg, but fundamental forces and elementary particles.